Best & Worst Movies Of 2016

For most of the year I managed to see a lot of new movies in the theater, so this list will involve more titles actually released in the past twelve months than previous tops & bottoms...not entirely current, but close. Pretty close.

The Yes & The Wow!

(in no particular order)

Deadpool

Is it spectacularly mind-blowing and life-altering? Nah, but it does perfectly represent the character and tone of the comic in the most fun and entertaining way any fan could have hoped for. Always good to see a movie that wants to be something more than it wants to do something...if that makes sense. And for a movie this violent and deservedly R-rated, it doesn’t revel in its filthiness -- it just feels right.

Sausage Party

Speaking of filthiness, here’s a movie crammed full of it but not flaunting it without purpose. I didn’t even consider this group of comedic talents to have the ability to produce such thoughtful commentary on international relations, race, religion, and consumerism while also being so hilariously vulgar. They take the gags insanely far, yet never cross the line. Plus -- some great parody bits.

The Nice Guys

If you like anything Shane Black has ever done, you’ll probably like this. If you specifically appreciate Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, you really ought to like this. It isn’t quite as splendid as that earlier, brilliant film, but has the same offbeat sensibility, and this cast knows exactly how to make it work. An under-seen, entertaining, guiltless pleasure.

Captain America: Civil War

Yes, it really is that good. It balances so many characters, and so many points of view, without sacrificing drama or humor or any of their established attributes, and it adds new heroes soon to get their own movies...this is how you do that, Warner Bros; pay attention. It's just good solid entertainment, even without Hulk or Thor. Great action, strong acting, and a major set piece that feels like part of the larger story instead of the sole reason to make the movie. Good job, Marvel. Keep it going!

Finding Dory

For the first time since either of the Toy Story sequels, Pixar creates a follow-up which further develops the characters while building on the world already established. It’s funny and touching and somehow hits that sweet spot of precisely the right combination of ridiculous & heartwarming. Perhaps not every little moment is supremely perfect, but so much of it is so beautiful that it’s all worth it.

Shaun The Sheep Movie

With splendid stop-motion, impeccable comic timing, a big big heart, and no dialogue at all, this was the best animated film of 2015. Inside Out is indeed amazingly inventive and looks fantastic, but Shaun has a more cohesive story and a more accessible emotional truth. Funny, heartwarming, and great fun for all ages. Truly, truly, wonderful.

Honorable Mention

Star Trek Beyond

I thought the first two of this current cinematic series were dull and over-serious, but this one finally figured it out...which may have something to do with co-star/excellent writer/nerd extraordinaire Simon Pegg being heavily involved in the script. However it happened, it’s a fun sci-fi action movie that wants to entertain.

Zootopia

Disney made this? Their computer animation is usually so cajoling and condescending, but this manages to be smart & funny & cute & visually impressive. It is, unfortunately, often predictable, its subtext too plainly stated, and occasionally ruins its own gags by pointing directly at the humor and saying “See? That was the joke.” But it’s a good solid effort (finally) and I enjoyed it.

The Peanuts Movie

This one may not have a lot going on story-wise, but they’ve re-created and re-produced the tone and feel of the old Peanuts animations so faithfully and magnificently that only the most heartless cynic would call it a useless nostalgic cash-grab. Most kid-oriented remakes are exactly that (Smurfs, I’m looking at you), but this was truly made with love, and made effectively well.

The Walk

A well-told story making great use of its visual medium, dedicating half its runtime to the main event of the actual Walk. Missed it in the theater? So did I, but the blu-ray is dizzying and fascinating enough. I won’t lie, it ain’t perfect, it does have an unnecessary framing device with uninteresting narration, but like I said, it’s about the visual storytelling and that totally works.

The Huntsman: Winter’s War

Seems odd to make a sequel to a Snow White movie without Snow White, but placing Chris Hemsworth in the lead while adding the excellent Emily Blunt and solid Jessica Chastain to the always awesome Charlize Theron...well, I won’t say it can’t go wrong, because it could, but it didn’t. Even the strange story structure doesn’t detract from how good everyone is in this satisfying cinematic fantasy.

Hunt For The Wilderpeople

On the hunt again...okay not really but this New Zealand film from Taika Waititi, co-writer/director of last year’s favorite What We Do In The Shadows, puts together a jocular yet poignant look at growing up and getting older while generally trying to enjoy life while you can. Plus it’s good to hear Sam Neill give full use to his natural accent for once.

In The Heart Of The Sea

Hemsworth returns! And Ron Howard stops being a horrible hack long enough to get back to what made him a good director once upon a time: letting a good story speak for itself. This one kinda slipped under the theatrical radar, but it’s a good solid adventure and an engaging spectacle. Definitely worth checking out.

The No & The How?

I saw a lot of movies this year which weren’t good, but didn’t make me hate them for existing. They are, of course, the Dishonorable Mentions. Here’s a short and alphabetical list of a few of those substantially lousy but not horrendously awful:

The 5th Wave

If they’d just worked (a lot) harder to make an intelligent movie instead of trying to be the new Twilight (ugh), it could have been okay.

Alice Through The Looking Glass

A dumbed-down, insipid, joyless, lifeless contractual obligation for everyone involved (except Tim Burton who used to know better but now not so much).

Bad Moms

I’m glad such a movie about women exists and makes money; sadly this one is tremendously & thoroughly awful in all aspects.

The Boy

If you’ve seen any modern decently-produced horror movie, you’ve seen this collection of well-worn tropes and tricks.

Morgan

Poorly directed and predictable, not much going on with story and character.

Storks

Noisy, obnoxious, ridiculous, flimsy, and stuffed with filler to reach feature length.

Triple 9

Good actors playing stupid characters in a pointless, plotless, clichéd mess.

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Notice how none of those were worth more than a single sentence of appraisal? Yeah. Not much to see here, please move along now.

Thus, the worst of the woeful, in descending order of disappointedness:

Hail, Caesar!

I was so psyched for this when I saw the trailer: a Coen brothers movie about making movies during Hollywood’s heyday? Plus their usual mix of humor, intrigue, and colorful characters? How awesome would that have been? Instead we got a hodgepodge of meaningless plot points mushed into a variety of vignettes which, on their own, carry a strong Coen flavor, but do not a narrative make. This is nothing but a crummy collection of cameos and unrelated sequences adding up to far less than the sum of their parts. What a waste of a great concept.

Krampus

Another movie with a good cast and the potential to mix genres in a compelling way, yet failing to create more than the barest semblance of an entertaining, dramatic storyline. It’s too silly to be scary, too intent on trying to be horror to be taken seriously, and too lacking in logic or believable conflict to not roll eyes at. It’s slow, it’s stupid, and worst of all, it thinks it’s clever and intense. Spare me.

Pete’s Dragon

Can’t say expectations were high, but I did at least appreciate the intention of the adaptation, especially considering the strangeness of the original. Given that initial impression, however, I was disappointed in the execution here resulting in a sappy, simplistic, muddled melodramatic mess. It’s an awkwardly directed, poorly motivated, wholly uninteresting pile of cinematic slop. Plus the dragon looks and acts like a big green dog. And that’s just dumb.

The Secret Life Of Pets

I knew from the trailer this would be weak in the story department, and heavy on the silliness that only really young children can enjoy without more refined cognitive stimuli to go with it, but what I didn’t expect was how insanely violent and dull it is...yes, violent and dull at the same time. Over and over again, just waiting for these expensive-to-animate characters to stop beating and threatening each other so they could get on with the plot they so clearly ripped off from (and have done a disservice to) Toy Story. Even a lighthearted “kids” movie needs a proper dramaturgical progression, okay? Not just a bunch of dopey gags strung together.

Minions

Speaking of dopey gags and violence...again with what I knew going into this: the Minions work as comic side characters, but can’t carry their own storyline. They're goofy little goons, cute & charming in smaller moments, but (unsurprisingly) unendurably grating at feature length, especially in a nearly plotless narrative. What is funny about this movie is how it seems to try to prove, rather than disprove, that Minions fail as protagonists -- because every twenty minutes or so they take the overall story in a completely new direction, and a poorly paced one at that. Aimlessness aside, much of this horrendous rubbish is wildly inappropriate for kids, as many of the “jokes” are innuendo of some sort or involve people getting killed. Yes, killed. The Minions movie has a body count. How hilarious. Plus let’s not forget the abundant, annoying, and inane 3D gags, WAY too many already-overused songs from the era...yeah this is set in the 60’s for no discernibly necessary reason, aside from being a prequel, but even that doesn’t explain it...this loathsome junk is just utterly, utterly hateful. So I hate it. More than anything else I saw this year, I want this movie to burn and die.

The Boss

Some friends wanted to see this, because they didn’t know any better from the ads it would not be good, and even though I did know better I joined them, because Melissa McCarthy is talented, but just can’t seem to make a decent movie...and this is no exception. It’s nothing but weak storytelling, no real character development, multiple pointless fight sequences...and worst of all, it is just plain not funny...like, not even a little. I didn’t laugh once. Even my silly friends who at first didn’t know better barely let out a chuckle. It’s a darn shame.

.....

So that’s the year. Not a lot that's seriously impressive, but plenty of decent material to keep my faith in filmmakers who are putting it out there.

As for the rest of you boorish bunkum builders: get it together or give it up! I’ve had enough of your execrable excretions.

Multi-Review!

I’ve recently been able to catch up on relatively newer and/or bigger movies - which I often don’t manage to see until they’ve been around a while, and usually not so many within so few days of each other - but rather than put together a sizable review for each, I figured I’d keep it short and drop them into the world wide web as a collective bunch. Not only because I simply don’t have the energy to write that much in-depth for all this, but who’d want to read it? So here are the few new(ish) films now viewed and a reaction to each.

Interstellar

Great look & sound for a dull story, poorly told. And don’t try telling me I have to see it in IMAX to get the full effect; I already said it looks good...but if the story doesn’t work as a whole, I can’t care how pretty it is. If it doesn’t follow through on the issues it raises, drags on for long stretches (time dilation indeed) without progressing, and major events are brushed off without a word while insignificant details are mulled over repeatedly...all I’m left with is an ordinary “meh.”

Whiplash

One terrific performance from one always terrific performer, amidst an abundance of directorial inexperience and lackluster proceedings. Plus there were a couple major story elements done exactly the wrong way, which lessened their dramatic impact. Still a decent movie, just not worth raving about.

Birdman

Excellent acting & technical artistry applied to a pretentious, predictable & otherwise pointless effort. That’s overall, but one small detail indicative of the film’s creative failures: a movie which makes great effort to hide its transitions and edits shouldn’t be using the same lame gimmick twice, as it did tilting up to frame a building as night turns to day (or vice versa). 

Gone Girl

Looks as nice as any Fincher film but misses the mark in most every other way, aside from Rosamund Pike’s pleasant presence. The story structure is full of holes, half-assedness, and bad choices, plus none of the characters present a compelling portrait of an actual person. Please, people...let’s not encourage them.

The Imitation Game

Nothing terribly wrong with this, but not sure why it was up for so many big awards - full of unlikely and unbelievable motivations, mostly in small ways...unexplained or unnecessary shifts in character attitudes, unneeded framing devices...it’s decent enough, but nothing special or impressive.

The Giver

Nothing has anything to do with anything, most of what happens is unmotivated and stupid, some of what happens is ridiculous magical bullshit, and Jeff Bridges doesn’t open his mouth to speak for the third film in the last few years. I never read the book, and can only hope it isn’t such a horrible clump of dumbness.

Maleficent

As terrific as Angelina Jolie is, even her tremendous strengths as a performer (and movie star) are nowhere near enough to support this weak, silly, occasionally melodramatic mess. Oh yeah it’s also startlingly and unnecessarily violent at times; yay Disney! It does have a few good ideas, but without the ability to properly dramatize them using decent story structure and character motivation, they don’t add up to much.

Big Eyes 

While the two leads give absolutely outstanding performances, and Tim Burton applies his particular style in a classier, more realistic manner than his typical weirdness (both of which I like, by the way), the end result is an ultimately forgettable portrait (no pun intended) of a family drama that need never have occurred in the first place. The fact that these things did actually happen to real people doesn’t excuse the film from creating a sense that everything could have played out so much better, with much of the conflict being so easily avoidable.

I'll be back soon with slightly longer reviews & reactions to a few more movies!

Big Hero 6

Whenever I become aware of an overwhelmingly positive response to a movie I hadn't intended to see - from critics, the public in general, friends I care for and respect - I’m not dumb enough to begin watching it thinking “This is gonna be so great I won’t even believe it!” It may have been something I just wasn't interested in, hadn’t gotten around to, or concluded was not worth seeing, but whatever the delay, the good vibes from those who’ve enjoyed it convince me there’s worthwhile viewing to be had. My initial assessment may have been that it was most likely awful, or perhaps simply okay but not impressive - though when sitting down to watch it, I’m thinking that with all the happy folks full of praise, it certainly won’t be terrible...may even be pretty good! And I think this because of the excitement people have shown about it.

Too bad so many people can somehow be so wrong.

Big Hero 6 is nothing more than beautifully animated garbage...not even good enough to call junk, but actual refuse. Because - to extend the metaphor - junk is useless, and takes up space, but is essentially harmless. If it’s junk food, then it’s tasty but not healthy, and still harmless in moderation. Garbage, however, is a nasty, smelly, rotting, health hazard requiring immediate disposal and/or destruction. You certainly wouldn’t want to consume it. You want it gone, you want it disappeared, you don’t even want to know what happens to it as long as it remains elsewhere.

So, the movie: when the story here isn’t clichéd, it’s stupid. When it isn’t stupid, it’s predictable. When it isn’t predictable, it’s over (finally). Often it’s all three at once. There is no motivation for many things each of the active characters does, or just a weak/simple motivation...sometimes there’s no reason for what they don’t do; for failing to act. There is no sense and no explanation for basic aspects of the setting and various situations. Here are some randomly-recalled examples (with a few spoilers, if that actually matters) of various stupidities:

Why is this city the bastard child of San Francisco and Tokyo? After viewing, I read the filmmakers had a history all figured out as to how this came to be - so why wouldn’t they incorporate any of their ideas into the movie? Why do they just show it as if it makes any sense by itself? It couldn’t be because they don’t manage to specify anything else without dull spoken exposition, could it? Like they realized they wouldn’t be able to think up an interesting way to reveal this information other than having one of their characters awkwardly talk about it so they left it out? I don’t think they’re that aware...if they were, they wouldn’t have included so much poor storytelling in exactly that manner.

Why did the filmmakers start the movie with the protagonist kid’s parents being dead only to kill off his brother in act one? Couldn’t live parents have served just as much of a non-purpose as his aunt, who doesn’t do anything or affect the plot in even the tiniest way? Do we need to double up on the so-aloneness of the kid? Not that I’m sympathizing with the obnoxious little punk, just that it’s a repeated state of being for the character, and unnecessary. Superfluous backstory/set-up. Set the stage and get the ball rolling!

How does a fourteen (?) year-old kid with no money or resources manage to manufacture billions of tiny robots in a matter of days (or even weeks)? I’m all for suspension of disbelief, but a movie - any movie - needs to establish the rules of the world presented then abide by said rules. This movie is about scientific genius kids, so I’m wholly willing to buy his theoretical wherewithal to dream up this idea in the first place, as well as his possessing the technical and scientific knowledge to carry it out...but in general, the movie takes place in a world very similar to our own. So how did he actually DO all this? How did he acquire the materials and a production site? Uh, he didn’t. He just has his billion bitty-bots, because this is an animated film and anything is possible, even if it’s horribly unrealistic. But hey, the entire school here is only made up of about six students and one professor, apparently, so maybe the rest of the building is a you-can-make-anything-you-wish factory, and a bottom line-less lending institution.

Where in the holy hell did the cloud-covered limbo land generate from? With both teleporters (let’s face it, stargates) active, the hat enters one and exits the other, because that’s the whole point of teleportation - instant traversal of any physical separation - so when there’s only one switched on it leads to a parallel dimension? And some broad in a ship bubble can simply exist there indefinitely in hypersleep? And in operation it serves to counter the effects of gravity and suck up everything in its vicinity, even though nothing inside it is moving at all? What in the freewheeling fuck is happening here?

Why did no one question or investigate how the fire started, how it created such a sudden and encompassing explosion? Why did Hiro assume his microbots had been destroyed, while the guy who stole them assumed they would protect him? Hiro built the damn things and doesn’t know their full capability, but this guy who just saw a basic demonstration five minutes earlier bets his life on their resiliency?

Speaking of microbots and the bad guy: how stupid are the characters to assume who the guy was who stole them and has nefarious motives for doing so? And how stupid is that guy, and the other guy, to assume without further analysis the results of their failed teleporter test thus creating the center of their shared hostility? And how dumb do the filmmakers think their audience is for going ahead with these assumptions and not expecting anyone to realize how dumb (and wrong) these assumptions are?

Why does Hiro think he has to hide Baymax from his aunt? Why do the filmmakers think it’s funny for Baymax to act drunk when his battery’s low? Why does everyone in the movie keep saying “gone” instead of “dead” over and over and over and over and over? Do they not want to say the word in what they intend to be a kids movie? Or is it because some of these people are not actually dead in some sense and they don’t want to make a false statement?

Why can’t they just make a good movie that isn’t full of stupid shit like this?!?!?

I’m not a fan of The Lego Movie - in fact, I rather hate it - but that animated film only has two major problems; the action moves so fast it’s impossible to follow and the overall tone is too silly to carry any real dramatic weight. It’s still miles better than this reekingly offensive turd bomb.

This is why I no longer watch or care about the Oscars. Because I just don’t get how or why such head-smackingly awful filmmaking can be awarded best animated feature, above four other nominations and plenty more not even nominated, including Lego...which I heard some people were upset about. Now that I’ve seen Big Hero 6, I support those zealots in their fervor, despite not even respecting their choice. Unless the animation itself - not the story, characters, sound, music, or any aspect of the movie except the execution of the images alone - is what’s being awarded, I don’t see how this could even compete. It’s that bad. But kids and parents seem to like it, so, hooray for Disney!

Apologies to any friends and family members who are kids/parents/people and also somehow fans of this movie. I still like and respect you, and am oddly pleased - envious, even - you are able to possess such standards of viewership as to not be bothered by the horrible sludgestorm presented here as if it were an acceptably accomplished animated film. You have a gift, dear ones, to see the good and block out the bad. I’m all for silver linings, but if Big Hero 6 is the dark cloud inside, I myself would rather get out of the way of that storm and wait for it to pass, thank you very much.

In the meantime, maybe I’ll just watch WALL-E for the 27th time.

Saving Mr. Banks

I must start this by saying: I don’t care about or have much interest in Mary Poppins or Walt Disney, but since this movie is about those things only on one level, and does in fact have a much deeper emotional intent, there is certainly something in the film for me to respond to and write about.

I read the screenplay a while ago, because I like to read whatever produced scripts I can get my eyes on, and I didn’t think it worked. It had charm and style and humor, sure, just like the movie does - it’s well-written in that respect - but the same issues I encountered in the text show up on film.

One thing I advise screenwriters not to do, in the course of my coverage and feedback, is employ clichés, and a particular form of which I find rather grating is the interruption of a conversation for the purpose of having one character correct another in how to address them. This usually takes the form of things like “Don’t call me Mr. Smith, that was my father, call me Bob” or just a flat out “Bob, please” which is always followed by the other person saying “Bob” before continuing. Ugh. Please spare me these exchanges.

This movie and screenplay are made up of so many moments of this precise nature it is practically the entire premise.

Seriously, it’s that pervasive. People repeatedly call her Pam or Pamela no matter how many times she says Mrs. Travers. Not only does it slow down the story by constantly interrupting what could be meaningful dialogue for supposedly cute little moments that are merely aggravating, but it makes it look like none of these people are able to listen to or comprehend even the tiniest little thing being said to or asked of them. If someone says don’t call me that, call me this, you do it! It ain’t difficult. What kind of a person is such an ignorant jerk they constantly refer to someone in a manner they have been expressly and repeatedly informed not to? Most of the characters in this movie, that’s who. I just don’t get it. I don’t know who thinks this is entertaining, or a valid form of conflict. It’s just stupid.

All right. Rant ended.

As for the story itself, the other major issue I had with both script and film is the lack of clear motivation for some of the other major actions the characters take or avoid, in order to maintain an obvious conflict. Her father’s drinking, for example. I understand some people have addictions and can’t stop themselves, but why does he continue such destruction when he knows and sees what it’s doing to himself and his family? The story doesn’t address that, or ask why he doesn’t address it. The story simply watches him fall without giving him enough cause to stumble.

Then there’s the point at which she rejects everything due to the planned use of animated penguins, as that’s the moment in the plot when it needs to take a downturn, because it’s just taken an upturn when she approved the song about flying a kite. There’s nothing wrong with the change in tone, it’s wholly appropriate and perfectly timed, the problem is the method by which the movie shifts its weight. They make it seem like Walt tricked her, or at least that she felt tricked, in that she believed there would be absolutely no animation whatsoever when all he said is that the film would not be animated, it would be live action. Nobody lied, nobody deceived. But the movie needs this moment so it does whatever it can, using the ol’ innocent misunderstanding. It could have been done better.

A lot of the rest of the conflict mostly comes from her not telling the writers what she wants, just saying everything is wrong and walking away. They also rarely seem to attempt to explain what they’re going for, they just shrivel at her harsh tone and move on. As a screenwriter who often works for others in order to produce their vision, I respect and appreciate that aspect of this movie, in that a group of people are doing their creative best to please someone who seems to disagree with everything, or simply doesn’t know what she wants them to achieve. But when it plays as though she refuses to cooperate, how am I supposed to empathize with her? I get that she doesn’t want what’s close to her heart to be tarnished, but one has to communicate effectively in order to precipitate successful adaptation. If you don’t try, you just get nothing.

Past all these issues, the movie is decidedly better than the screenplay, largely due to the fabulous cast - especially Paul Giamatti, who does so much with so little and makes it looks effortless - and of course I love the message that storytellers instill hope, that we restore order with imagination. I can’t help but be moved by these small moments, as being coldly insensitive is not something I’m capable of, but the movie as a whole is held back by its repeated and frustrating lack of progress.

Eventually the triumph of art and creativity does free the movie of its drawbacks, somehow managing to outshine the disappointing aftertaste of so much halting, faltering energy.

If only it made me want to watch Mary Poppins...now that would have been some kind of magic.