Best & Worst Movies Of 2016

For most of the year I managed to see a lot of new movies in the theater, so this list will involve more titles actually released in the past twelve months than previous tops & bottoms...not entirely current, but close. Pretty close.

The Yes & The Wow!

(in no particular order)

Deadpool

Is it spectacularly mind-blowing and life-altering? Nah, but it does perfectly represent the character and tone of the comic in the most fun and entertaining way any fan could have hoped for. Always good to see a movie that wants to be something more than it wants to do something...if that makes sense. And for a movie this violent and deservedly R-rated, it doesn’t revel in its filthiness -- it just feels right.

Sausage Party

Speaking of filthiness, here’s a movie crammed full of it but not flaunting it without purpose. I didn’t even consider this group of comedic talents to have the ability to produce such thoughtful commentary on international relations, race, religion, and consumerism while also being so hilariously vulgar. They take the gags insanely far, yet never cross the line. Plus -- some great parody bits.

The Nice Guys

If you like anything Shane Black has ever done, you’ll probably like this. If you specifically appreciate Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, you really ought to like this. It isn’t quite as splendid as that earlier, brilliant film, but has the same offbeat sensibility, and this cast knows exactly how to make it work. An under-seen, entertaining, guiltless pleasure.

Captain America: Civil War

Yes, it really is that good. It balances so many characters, and so many points of view, without sacrificing drama or humor or any of their established attributes, and it adds new heroes soon to get their own movies...this is how you do that, Warner Bros; pay attention. It's just good solid entertainment, even without Hulk or Thor. Great action, strong acting, and a major set piece that feels like part of the larger story instead of the sole reason to make the movie. Good job, Marvel. Keep it going!

Finding Dory

For the first time since either of the Toy Story sequels, Pixar creates a follow-up which further develops the characters while building on the world already established. It’s funny and touching and somehow hits that sweet spot of precisely the right combination of ridiculous & heartwarming. Perhaps not every little moment is supremely perfect, but so much of it is so beautiful that it’s all worth it.

Shaun The Sheep Movie

With splendid stop-motion, impeccable comic timing, a big big heart, and no dialogue at all, this was the best animated film of 2015. Inside Out is indeed amazingly inventive and looks fantastic, but Shaun has a more cohesive story and a more accessible emotional truth. Funny, heartwarming, and great fun for all ages. Truly, truly, wonderful.

Honorable Mention

Star Trek Beyond

I thought the first two of this current cinematic series were dull and over-serious, but this one finally figured it out...which may have something to do with co-star/excellent writer/nerd extraordinaire Simon Pegg being heavily involved in the script. However it happened, it’s a fun sci-fi action movie that wants to entertain.

Zootopia

Disney made this? Their computer animation is usually so cajoling and condescending, but this manages to be smart & funny & cute & visually impressive. It is, unfortunately, often predictable, its subtext too plainly stated, and occasionally ruins its own gags by pointing directly at the humor and saying “See? That was the joke.” But it’s a good solid effort (finally) and I enjoyed it.

The Peanuts Movie

This one may not have a lot going on story-wise, but they’ve re-created and re-produced the tone and feel of the old Peanuts animations so faithfully and magnificently that only the most heartless cynic would call it a useless nostalgic cash-grab. Most kid-oriented remakes are exactly that (Smurfs, I’m looking at you), but this was truly made with love, and made effectively well.

The Walk

A well-told story making great use of its visual medium, dedicating half its runtime to the main event of the actual Walk. Missed it in the theater? So did I, but the blu-ray is dizzying and fascinating enough. I won’t lie, it ain’t perfect, it does have an unnecessary framing device with uninteresting narration, but like I said, it’s about the visual storytelling and that totally works.

The Huntsman: Winter’s War

Seems odd to make a sequel to a Snow White movie without Snow White, but placing Chris Hemsworth in the lead while adding the excellent Emily Blunt and solid Jessica Chastain to the always awesome Charlize Theron...well, I won’t say it can’t go wrong, because it could, but it didn’t. Even the strange story structure doesn’t detract from how good everyone is in this satisfying cinematic fantasy.

Hunt For The Wilderpeople

On the hunt again...okay not really but this New Zealand film from Taika Waititi, co-writer/director of last year’s favorite What We Do In The Shadows, puts together a jocular yet poignant look at growing up and getting older while generally trying to enjoy life while you can. Plus it’s good to hear Sam Neill give full use to his natural accent for once.

In The Heart Of The Sea

Hemsworth returns! And Ron Howard stops being a horrible hack long enough to get back to what made him a good director once upon a time: letting a good story speak for itself. This one kinda slipped under the theatrical radar, but it’s a good solid adventure and an engaging spectacle. Definitely worth checking out.

The No & The How?

I saw a lot of movies this year which weren’t good, but didn’t make me hate them for existing. They are, of course, the Dishonorable Mentions. Here’s a short and alphabetical list of a few of those substantially lousy but not horrendously awful:

The 5th Wave

If they’d just worked (a lot) harder to make an intelligent movie instead of trying to be the new Twilight (ugh), it could have been okay.

Alice Through The Looking Glass

A dumbed-down, insipid, joyless, lifeless contractual obligation for everyone involved (except Tim Burton who used to know better but now not so much).

Bad Moms

I’m glad such a movie about women exists and makes money; sadly this one is tremendously & thoroughly awful in all aspects.

The Boy

If you’ve seen any modern decently-produced horror movie, you’ve seen this collection of well-worn tropes and tricks.

Morgan

Poorly directed and predictable, not much going on with story and character.

Storks

Noisy, obnoxious, ridiculous, flimsy, and stuffed with filler to reach feature length.

Triple 9

Good actors playing stupid characters in a pointless, plotless, clichéd mess.

.....

Notice how none of those were worth more than a single sentence of appraisal? Yeah. Not much to see here, please move along now.

Thus, the worst of the woeful, in descending order of disappointedness:

Hail, Caesar!

I was so psyched for this when I saw the trailer: a Coen brothers movie about making movies during Hollywood’s heyday? Plus their usual mix of humor, intrigue, and colorful characters? How awesome would that have been? Instead we got a hodgepodge of meaningless plot points mushed into a variety of vignettes which, on their own, carry a strong Coen flavor, but do not a narrative make. This is nothing but a crummy collection of cameos and unrelated sequences adding up to far less than the sum of their parts. What a waste of a great concept.

Krampus

Another movie with a good cast and the potential to mix genres in a compelling way, yet failing to create more than the barest semblance of an entertaining, dramatic storyline. It’s too silly to be scary, too intent on trying to be horror to be taken seriously, and too lacking in logic or believable conflict to not roll eyes at. It’s slow, it’s stupid, and worst of all, it thinks it’s clever and intense. Spare me.

Pete’s Dragon

Can’t say expectations were high, but I did at least appreciate the intention of the adaptation, especially considering the strangeness of the original. Given that initial impression, however, I was disappointed in the execution here resulting in a sappy, simplistic, muddled melodramatic mess. It’s an awkwardly directed, poorly motivated, wholly uninteresting pile of cinematic slop. Plus the dragon looks and acts like a big green dog. And that’s just dumb.

The Secret Life Of Pets

I knew from the trailer this would be weak in the story department, and heavy on the silliness that only really young children can enjoy without more refined cognitive stimuli to go with it, but what I didn’t expect was how insanely violent and dull it is...yes, violent and dull at the same time. Over and over again, just waiting for these expensive-to-animate characters to stop beating and threatening each other so they could get on with the plot they so clearly ripped off from (and have done a disservice to) Toy Story. Even a lighthearted “kids” movie needs a proper dramaturgical progression, okay? Not just a bunch of dopey gags strung together.

Minions

Speaking of dopey gags and violence...again with what I knew going into this: the Minions work as comic side characters, but can’t carry their own storyline. They're goofy little goons, cute & charming in smaller moments, but (unsurprisingly) unendurably grating at feature length, especially in a nearly plotless narrative. What is funny about this movie is how it seems to try to prove, rather than disprove, that Minions fail as protagonists -- because every twenty minutes or so they take the overall story in a completely new direction, and a poorly paced one at that. Aimlessness aside, much of this horrendous rubbish is wildly inappropriate for kids, as many of the “jokes” are innuendo of some sort or involve people getting killed. Yes, killed. The Minions movie has a body count. How hilarious. Plus let’s not forget the abundant, annoying, and inane 3D gags, WAY too many already-overused songs from the era...yeah this is set in the 60’s for no discernibly necessary reason, aside from being a prequel, but even that doesn’t explain it...this loathsome junk is just utterly, utterly hateful. So I hate it. More than anything else I saw this year, I want this movie to burn and die.

The Boss

Some friends wanted to see this, because they didn’t know any better from the ads it would not be good, and even though I did know better I joined them, because Melissa McCarthy is talented, but just can’t seem to make a decent movie...and this is no exception. It’s nothing but weak storytelling, no real character development, multiple pointless fight sequences...and worst of all, it is just plain not funny...like, not even a little. I didn’t laugh once. Even my silly friends who at first didn’t know better barely let out a chuckle. It’s a darn shame.

.....

So that’s the year. Not a lot that's seriously impressive, but plenty of decent material to keep my faith in filmmakers who are putting it out there.

As for the rest of you boorish bunkum builders: get it together or give it up! I’ve had enough of your execrable excretions.

Monsters University

Some time ago, I heard Pixar was making a sequel to Monsters Inc. and I thought: why? Later I read it was actually a prequel, and I said aloud: will that work? Eventually I saw the full-length trailer and answered myself: no…not gonna work. So I had major objections to this movie even existing long before seeing it.

First of all, I'm not pleased with Pixar being in the business of producing Disney-fied sequels. Toy Story becoming a trilogy was appropriate, and I love it - because it has artistic merit. I defy anyone to compile a convincing list of attributes supporting the artistic merit of Cars 2…and I'm one of the apparent minority who truly enjoy and appreciate Cars the first. So when I heard they were making another Monsters, I was disappointed. The quality of their storytelling has suffered lately - I had been looking forward to Brave, which turned out to be a wreck of good intentions - and putting all this effort into sequels & prequels is part of the reason why. It's tough to do good work when spread so thin.

I realize there's already tons of garbage online about this, but I have to address it, and by the time I'm done I sincerely hope you'll see why: "You've been jealous of my good looks since the fourth grade, pal." Mike's throwaway line from Monsters Inc. Implying he & Sully have been friends since they were kids, or least knew each other…yet the trailer for Monsters U clearly shows them meeting in college, as does the film itself. Apparently the filmmakers tried to include a scene of them together in fourth grade, just to explain the line, but it didn't fit into the story - which I'm sure I would agree with. Then they decided to simply ignore it and hope people wouldn't remember Mike had said that…a very stupid move, obviously, as the issue is rather glaring with the contradictory information right there in the original film and the new trailer. So, in a lame attempt to quell the backlash, the director claimed "since the fourth grade" is a monster expression that simply means "for a long time" and shouldn't be taken literally. Please. Nice try.

Why is this such a big deal to me, those of you both sane and rational may ask? Because it isn't about the detail itself, or the timeline, or the Monsters canon…it's Pixar's dismissal of all that. They just left it, like it doesn't matter. But it does matter, and fixing it would have been easy if they'd kept at it. Look at the problem: in Inc, Mike and Sully knew each other in fourth grade; in U they meet in college. Can't change Inc, so change U! Who says they have to meet for the first time here? You wanna know how to address a throwaway line? With another throwaway line! Mike arrives on campus, sees a crowd of admirers around Sully, says to Randy: "Sullivan…that guy's been the bane of my existence since the fourth grade." Or something like that, only better.

One simple line of dialogue would:

• Imply they've known each other, or have at least known the other exists, but have not been friends.
• Set up their forthcoming relationship, how they compete and don't get along.
• Be a callback to the line in the first movie.
• Have avoided anyone needing to complain about this!

It all comes back to my issue with Pixar not making the same effort in terms of story that has made their earlier films so amazingly good. They saw a problem, they tried to deal with it, they dropped it. They dropped it. That's just wrong, folks. Pixar is better than that. At least they used to be.

Finally, the biggest issue with this film, and yes, I'm still talking about objections formed well in advance of actually viewing it: a prequel in the Monster world was the wrong choice. And in such a big way, I am absolutely bewildered as to why I haven't seen more disapproval. Maybe I'm avoiding it because it's just too sad. Anyway: what was the major change in Monsters Inc? What was it the entire story served to teach the main characters, and everyone else in the monster world? Scaring is wrong. Laughter is more powerful than Scream. And even though lots of people are going to have to change jobs, we're still going to save the world and make everybody happy. Great lesson, great movie. Now here we are years earlier, so what is nearly every single character in the story focused on? Scaring! Which we know will prove to be not only insufficient but emotionally destructive! How can anyone, having seen the first movie, watch this one with empathy for the characters? No one who truly cares about such things, that's for sure.

I realize some people may think I'm taking all this way too seriously. But it's all about how storytelling works, and that's what I do. It's what I am, it's what I am about. If I don't take that seriously, I don't exist. And it seems that I do actually exist, so, as long as that remains apparent and true, I'm going to take all storytelling seriously.

I won't, however, get into whether or not they created another timeline blunder by bringing back the Yeti in a scene with Mike & Sully, even though they don't seem to know each other when they meet up in the human world in Monsters Inc. - because one could argue they don't specifically not know each other, or maybe the Yeti was banished soon after this and they only met that one time instead of working together for a while…it's messy, and isn't as much of a problem as the whole fourth grade issue. It's even acknowledged on the commentary, so, I can let it go. Yes, I can let things go.

Moving on.

Having actually watched the movie, now - and confirming every conclusion I'd reached prior was indeed correct - added to the negative impressions are the lack of development in Randy the college student becoming Randall the villain (they covered the basics but he needed a bigger part) and not enough being done with the fraternity/sorority competitors, whom we're told are skilled scarers but never really shown much of what they can supposedly do. Remember the old adage, show don't tell…

I'll tell you one thing, though: Pixar is still far and away the best in terms of artistry with their animation - and even though the story here isn't what it needs to be, they made the most of it and made it work. It is funny, and fun to watch, and the voice performances are excellent as always…they're still phenomenal filmmakers, they just need to get back to pounding out that story until it's right. Because when they don't, there's just not much depth or meaning to it. And that's always what I'm looking for - from Pixar, from any and every movie I see - a story and an experience that feels complete. It all has to work together, to create that sense of wonder and amazement that only a great movie can.