Jack The Giant Slayer: A Feminist Rant

And that’s the angle I intend to adhere to. I could spend time discussing how poorly structured and silly the movie is, be baffled by its proliferation of ridiculous plotting and silly clichés, ponder why it sat completed on the shelf for a while without a release date, decry the career of director Bryan Singer post Usual Suspects...but none of that is as important as how wrong the film is in regards to its depiction of female characters. So that’s where we’re going with this.

Let’s start with the Bechdel test. If you’re not familiar, check the link. Oddly enough, this one passes - technically. There is one scene with two female characters who talk about what it’s like to be queen. One of them is the queen, who doesn’t appear again, and the other is her daughter Isabel, the princess, who is an adult the rest of the movie and the only other female character. So, yeah. Big win.

Here’s what happens to Isabel, major character that she is: Jack, of the title, meets Isabel when he saves her from being accosted (raped) by uncouth commoners...because that’s what people do, in movies, as a form of conflict meant to be entertaining. She is soon revealed as a princess who doesn’t want to get married, since it’s gotta be that way and the concept has never been done before, plus she totally does her own thing despite the objections of her many male authority figures. Her father the king does eventually reach the inevitable and sad conclusion that she’s her own person and he can’t control her life, because he’s gotta have an arc - but of course the movie itself doesn’t actually figure this out. The movie itself controls her every step of the way.

Anyway, after she’s taken off from the protection of her castle - alone, again, of course, dumb broad that she is - she gets caught in a rainstorm, seeks shelter at what happens to be Jack’s home, then a magic beanstalk traps her inside. Instead of doing something about it, she screams for Jack to rescue her, but he doesn’t manage to and oh no, she disappears into the sky with the house...similarly disappearing from the story while so many menfolk climb up to find and save her. Seriously, she doesn’t show up again on screen for quite a while.

These brave menfolk - while searching for her during their scenes of valor as her current predicament remains an unknown, unseen subplot - mention her being smart and resourceful. However, she still manages to do nothing but be captured and held until the guys show up to free her, after which she whines about how this is all her fault and how useless she is; how useless princesses are in general. But all it takes is a bit of sweet talk from farm boy Jack to convince her she’s a good person with lots of potential. Hooray!

Not long after this inspirational moment, Isabel the smart and resourceful hides and watches as her two main fellows sneak up on a giant guarding an exit, carrying out their plan they came up with that she had nothing to do with and most certainly couldn’t have thought of because even though she’s an intelligent person with competent ideas and innovative strategy when people are talking about her while she’s not around, when she is around she’s just a girl and is best suited to looking concerned while the dudes do all the dangerous deeds.

Pretty soon thereafter, while riding a collapsing beanstalk to the ground, she holds onto Jack instead of the stalk...she even says “Jack, hold me!” while being all scared. Typical girly behavior, I know...it’s just their nature. Such femininity means she’s simply not up to the stress of being actively involved, and proves it once again toward the end when she and Jack are chased by the baddest bad guy giant, leaving Jack to conceive and execute the actions which save them. ‘Cause he’s the man, and it’s not like she could be of any real use to him.

So all this is really stupid and offensive and thoughtless and a hugely unfortunate part of the culture of general entertainment, but there’s one thing about the finale that really bugs the shit outta me: the plot of this movie involves the creation and use of a crown which has the power to control the giants in some way. This crown was forged by some long-ago king who defeated and banished the giants, and Isabel is his direct descendant. This means, once Jack has killed the major villain, and all the other people are still fighting all the other giants, the conclusion of the battle is for someone to put on the crown and banish the bad guys all over again. So guess who shows up wearing it? The one with the freakin’ birthright to do so? Nope. Jack the giant slayer. It’s his movie, right? 

What really makes it bad is how the giants are seen cutting short their attack, and bowing down, and all the people turn to see who saved them - which would have been a great time for them to see the princess, who hadn’t done anything for herself or her people up to this point, now saving them all, so they’d have some respect for her for reasons other than simply being born into royalty. But no, we are shown the crown, glinting in the sun, then Jack holding it, then he puts it on his head while all the kingdom’s subjects who don’t have the slightest clue who he is watch him save their pathetic little lives as the beautiful princess looks on adoringly and holds his hand. What a stud. As for Isabel, after all the hubbub, she gets to marry Jack and have babies, finally, because that’s all chicks really want anyway.

This is the truly hazardous pervasiveness of misogyny: when it isn’t overt, when it isn’t deliberately offensive or degrading, when it most likely isn’t even intentional. It’s become such an ingrained manner of storytelling that it can easily go unnoticed. And it shouldn’t. That’s why I’m trying to bring it to everyone’s attention. We gotta stop this shit. It isn’t doing anybody any good.