Happy Feet

Holy crap. I don't know where to start. I suppose I should begin by saying that I did not watch this entire movie. I know, I know; most people would say it's wrong to judge a movie without seeing the whole thing. I agree. That's why I'm only judging the part I did see.

I barely made it through half an hour, and that's after being ready to give up at the ten minute mark. Rarely will I quit on a movie without watching the whole thing, but this was, frankly, unbearable. How did this win an Oscar? Seriously, WTF? Admittedly I'm a big Pixar fan, I own all their movies, and while I admit that Cars is not as great a movie as Monsters, Inc. or The Incredibles, it's a solid motion picture with a decent story and well-defined characters; certainly more deserving of an Oscar, given the nominees. Happy Feet is a bunch of shit thrown into a pile and then smeared into the proper aspect ratio.

Okay - the animation itself is extraordinary. It's really quite beautiful. Big deal. Artists create art. They're good at it, I admire them for it. Apparently someone convinced these artists they were working on something that was actually going to tell a story and create characters. But there's nothing there. It opens with a bunch of penguins singing well-known songs in order to attract one another. I didn't realize penguins listened to the radio. This is how they get together? This is how they find each other, with what the movie calls a "heart song"? Shouldn't it be a song from the heart, and not the radio? One of these penguins is named Memphis. He sings an Elvis song. He talks like Elvis. This is not a character; it's a characterization. And it's not good filmmaking. It's cheap, it's dull, and it's not amusing.

What little story there is, involving Mumble the son of Memphis and his inability to sing, is constantly interrupted by extended musical numbers. The penguins sing, the soundtrack plays some old good song...again, I just have to say it...WTF? Is there a friggin' story goin' on or what? And it's usually not a good idea to let the soundtrack tell more of your story than, say, I don't know, action and dialogue. It might be a good idea to use an actual musical score in there. Just because Quentin Tarantino often forgoes it doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. You have to actually tell a story at the same time, not just throw a little scene in between the songs.

Here's an annoying hypocrisy: Memphis objects to Mumble's tap-dancing because "It's just not penguin." But Memphis himself is dancing all the time! He does Elvis moves. All the damn time. That's even how, and I can't believe high wide the arc of the roll of my eyes when I saw this, that's how Memphis managed to spill Mumble's egg into the snow before he hatched. He was standing at the edge of the huddled mass of penguins, taking his turn against the wind, dancing and singing. Like Elvis. For no fucking reason whatsoever. And the egg tumbled off into the snow. And he thinks this "accident" is why Mumble can't sing. This is so unbelievably stupid, I can't even believe I managed to recount it without banging my head into the wall.

Now maybe this hypocrisy belongs to Memphis, and not the filmmakers, and it's actually pointed out to him at some point later in the movie, and I'm judging it wrongfully because I didn't watch the whole thing, but...no way. Fuck it. I don't want to see another minute. When the wind kicks up snow to create a ghostly image of a god-like penguin that all of them worship...I just don't know what to say about that. I simply can't believe they thought that was a good idea, during all the years it takes to create the film, and stuck with it the whole time. I'm flabbergasted. It's too astonishing to comprehend.

I gave up watching at the point Mumble and his "graduating class" (don't ask) go swimming, with penguins zipping around like a military air show, but underwater. Wow. The lack of character development and story progression staggers me. Actually, I managed to watch that and the following scene in which Mumble fights over a fish with several birds, who fly away with him still hanging on and then drop him on the ice...at which point they go into another song. I've got nothing against musicals in general, but, come on...they just keep singing songs I've heard on the radio for years. What's the point? How is this telling a story? What does it have to do with the life of a penguin? Nothing.

Okay. They got the idea from the truth of nature; real penguins recognize their mates and their offspring by the sounds they make, so a group of fictional anthropomorphic penguins that fall in love based on the song they sing, and the necessity of being able to sing so you can find a mate and replenish the population of your species...I get it. But if the song itself is so important...why are they singing songs from the 70's? Shouldn't they have their own song? I like that music, but I also know it doesn't belong here! And they actually play this off as if the penguins are creating their own songs! That really pissed me off. There is literally a scene with a "teacher" penguin asking her young students to sing their heart songs for her...and the two kids she calls on both sing songs we as an audience are meant to recognize. Honestly...who ever thinks this stuff is a good idea?

I'm all for animated movies that encourage both kids and adults to be themselves, believe in themselves, and be happy with who they are, but...I think that message fails when the filmmakers themselves fail to create either music or characters to be a part of their movie. They're simply grabbing things that have already been created and putting it together. It's not a movie, it's a collage. It's hideous. I weep for the world of animation, and cinema at large, when this is the type of garbage that is not only approved, but praised and enjoyed. I feel sick. I need to watch something wonderful like Little Miss Sunshine to cleanse me of this disgusting, awful mess. In the words of Elmer Fudd, "Good widdance to bad wubbish!"