Great Bad Movies

So it sucks, but you love it anyway. You watch it, you enjoy it, you know how stupid it is but you don’t care. People laugh when they see the DVD in your home. All the blood rushes to your face when you defend it, because you’re acutely aware of how stupid you sound with every word, but you don’t care because you simply can’t get enough of that movie, awful though it may be. These are mine.

Cliffhanger
Occasionally I can accept an excess of spectacle at the expense of substance, as long as the spectacle is actually good, and I can absorb the minimal substance without taking it seriously, even if the characters do. Precisely the case here. Who cares about the plot, the drama, the backstory...this is a visual movie, and the images don’t disappoint. Neither does the sound; I am always entertained by one particular moment as a bad guy is blown away, with his own shotgun, as he’s being tossed off the side of a very tall mountain, and the moment of his blood spattering the clean white snow is accentuated in crisp, clear sound. Ya gotta love stupid action-movie bullshit like that.

Demolition Man
‘93 was a hell of a year for Stallone, by golly. Cliffhanger in the early summer, Demolition Man in the fall. This is by far my favorite sci-fi action movie that doesn’t take itself seriously...let the world have its 2001 Space Odysseys and Blade Runners (both of which I also like, btw); I’m certain to give more viewings over a lifetime to a movie that successfully makes fun of the very genre it perpetuates. This movie is funny, cool, and just silly enough to get away with its massive ridiculousness. Plus, Sandra Bullock kicking ass pre-superstardom, and Denis Leary verbally abusing people! Who can argue with that?

Dante’s Peak
It’s so dumb. It really is. But it’s that perfect balance of spectacle over substance that actually works, if you don’t take it seriously. Just go into it expecting to laugh at the parts played with the most melodrama, and to say "That sucks for them!" about every ten minutes...you’ll be fine. The effects are good, anyway; they still hold up.

Evolution
I don’t care what anybody says; this movie is funny. And a good thing, too; it was originally written as dramatic sci-fi action, with no jokes whatsoever. Imagine that! It would have sucked alien cytoplasm with that tone. Playing it goofy means everyone is in on the same joke - that this movie is beyond ridiculous. So just go with it, baby!

Identity
So its big mystery is easy to figure out, and that’s certainly not how SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER a multiple personality disorder works, and the actions of pretty much everyone, real or imagined, are generally quite stupid...so what, man; the actors chew up the scenery and spit it at each other. That’s fuckin’ fun to watch. Great lighting, too.

Paycheck
I suppose I could put any one of John Woo’s american films on this list, but honestly, I don’t like the rest of them quite enough to call them bad but good. They’re neither bad nor good, but moderately enjoyable; I like them all to some degree. But this one stands out because it seemed to get more lousy press, more bad word-of-mouth, more public vituperation than any of the others. Probably due to Ben Affleck. But whatever; it’s a fun movie in a long line of Philip K. Dick adaptations, many of which are less-than-brilliant. It’s a turn-off-your-brain-and-just-let-the-images-and-sound-impact-you movie. So do that, and you’re all right.

The Running Man
Where would this list be without the crap of Arnold’s "acting" career? I could have picked so many...Total Recall comes to mind, after that Philip K. Dick comment, but this is probably the worst movie of Arnold’s that’s actually any good. It’s better than Commando, but more ridiculous than...well, Total Recall. Its very stupidity is what makes it enjoyable. And that’s not an easy trick to pull off, so...ya gotta respect it.

Soldier
This movie is so full of cliches and plot holes, I don’t know what it is that kept me from rolling my eyes and wishing it were over when I first saw it, but...I didn’t. It just looks good, I guess; it’s simply a treat to focus your eyes on. If you can disconnect the logic center of your brain (which I don’t often do, but I’m capable), you might be able to appreciate the pure cinematic gut-punch that is this movie. Don’t think about it, just watch it. That pretty much goes for every movie on this list. Tell your inner film student / movie critic / cineaste to shut the fuck up, sit the fuck back, and enjoy it. If I can do it, anyone reading this can do the same.

Next time: cult classics!